Sunday, October 4, 2009

Cleaning the slate

I promised my readers that I would write a post about my hypnotherapy session in detail, so here goes.

I had first heard about “hypnosis as a therapy” from a couple of "now ex-smokers" who claimed they did one session of hypnosis and had completely quit smoking after that. One of the people had been smoking for over 20 years, and had never been able to quit, but one session of hypnosis did wonders for him, and he has not had the urge for even a single puff after that.

I always wondered how that worked. I mean, what can one session of any kind of therapy do? And what is hypnotherapy anyway? One would imagine that the therapist would hypnotize you. And then what? Do they “make you” do goofy things? So I was always very wary of any such therapy. I mean, I’m wary of regular therapy too! Perhaps that explains why I have never been to a therapist so far.

But then Jill mentioned that she was considering hypno-therapy geared towards fertility. And she wrote a couple of posts about her experiences with the sessions she took. I found myself more than curious. As I read and researched, I realized that this was different. They don’t “hypnotize” you. In fact, your session could be done on the phone! From the comfort of your own home. Thank you Jill for sharing your experience!

I knew I needed help – there was no doubt about that. I needed help to sort out my thoughts, and I needed help to be able to decide on my path forward. I decided to try one session of hypnotherapy, because I felt like that would help me on the sub conscious level, and that’s where I needed help. So I set up an appointment.

The therapist and I spoke for about an hour. I went over my IF background, and told her that I was having trouble staying positive any more. And that I was letting my negativity take over many aspects of my life. And at the crossroads where we were (ie, “Where do we go from here?”), I wanted to somehow get that positivism back into my thinking. I knew we had some very big decisions in front of us, and I did not want my bad energy affecting my decisions. I wanted us to be able to plan our future with a balanced mind. In short, I wanted a clean slate.

The therapist asked questions about our backgrounds, and our families, our religion, our culture etc. She commented that I seemed to be quite “left brained” – and that she got from the fact that I tried to have my life totally planned out and in control. I got my education, got married, got a job, bought a house etc – all left brain activities. She said that trying to have a child is part left brain, part right brain activity. The right brain or the creative side of your brain plays a very important role in TTC, because one has to be able to visualize the child that one is creating. And one should not forget that the child is creating you too – ie, the child is making you a mother. It is a very important transition. She said it seemed like over the years of TTC and IF treatment, I had let the left brain take control – to take TTC as a project and get the treatment done, one after the other, one step after the other. She was going to try and “wake up” my right brain, so that there could be balance on both sides.

She said it was natural for someone going through repeated treatment cycles to let go of the harmony of the body, mind and spirit. And it is very important to have the body, mind and spirit work in harmony. 

She also said that I needed to thank my uterus / ovaries for all the stuff I had put them through – all the IVFs, the D&Cs, the surgeries etc. And it struck me that I had spent the entire last year “not trusting” my uterus. Quite contrary to what she was saying. She asked me what I thought my uterus would say to me if I were to “meet my uterus for coffee”. My first reaction was “I think my uterus would take out a gun and shoot me in the face for putting it through everything I have”.

I told her I was at the junction where we have to decide what to do next, and no option seems easy. She said that she obviously could not make my decisions for me, but she would try and help me clean my slate enough so I could make my decisions myself, sensibly.

I asked her if I appeared like too much of a gone case, or if there was any hope for me. She said I was exactly where I was supposed to be, given everything I had gone through. She then sent me an audio file that I have been listening to. She said that I should not feel pressure to have a particular kind of reaction to the audio file. If I “fell asleep”, it was ok. If my brain felt alert, it was ok. Basically, whatever reaction I have, is the reaction I am supposed to have. No rights and wrongs. I would gain from the recording any which way.

And I do believe it is working. More than anything, I am determined to make it work, because I know I need it to work. I need a clean slate to be able to move on. My slate is not sparkly clean yet, but I believe it’s getting its first erasing.

If anyone is interested, you can check out the hypnotherapist’s website here.

I have done one session so far, and I'm not sure if I will do another one, or more. I'm enjoying the calm place I'm in, and I hope it lasts. 


tishi said...

I actually JUST posted a blog about hypnotherapy as well, I felt a bit crazy for leaving it....
Thank you for writing this, I DO believe Hypnotherapy works, I have seen it many times! good luck to you and enjoy spending some time each day dedicated just to you and your own healing thoughts. This is a great book on hypnosis for fertility if your interested:

I am left to reading and reading about it, as there are no hypnotherapists who specialize in fertility here. I wish I lived in california so I could see your hypnotherapist, it sounds wonderful.

Shelby said...

That sounds fantastic and something I never would have thought to pursue, but I think I would seriously consider it in the future. Thanks for sharing. I'm so glad it's helping!

Melissa G said...

Nikki, I am so glad this is working for you. It seems to have come into your life at just the right time. I've actually been thinking about it a lot since you talked about it at dinner a few weeks ago.

Thanks for posting her link.

Angie said...

Thanks for sharing ~ I am trying to work on finding the positives, too...what an interesting thought about TTC and left/right brain.

Wishing you the best as you clean your slate!

Phoebe said...

I like the approach you are taking, using this to help you make a decision of what to do next to build your family. I picked up the phone and left a message to make an appointment after I read this! Thanks!

Sarang said...


I so love this calm place you are in. It sounds wonderful.

And I love the hypnotherapist's comment that you are "exactly where I was supposed to be, given everything I had gone through" sounds so right on.

I am planning to contact her as well. Thank you so much for passing on her info.

This post reminds me to "Breathe in peace and calm...breathe out any tension or anxiety."

Thank you, my friend.

Jill M. said...

I was so excited to see your post on this and I'm really happy that it seems to have helped. Just keep listening to your audio file, you will find yourself reacting differently to situations and you'll stop and think, wow, I responded so much better than I would have before. Always thinking of you. Hugs

DAVs said...

I'm glad you're finding this helpful. Keep us posted and as always, sending you big hugs and wishing this were all just a little bit easier.

Anonymous said...

just catching up. this is very interesting. i really hope that it is helpful for you!!


Lauren said...

Glad you're coming to a better place. Hope it continues to help! :)

Rambler said...

This is fascinating, and not something I had ever heard about or considered.

Thanks so much for sharing and leaving the information. And I am happy that it's one small piece of progress you are comfortable with right now. Excellent.

Wishing 4 One said...

This is so interesting. I am sending a link to my stepfather, he is a hypnotist and has been for decades. He has offered to send me cds (i am in Egypt, he in US) on many occasions. I actually let him hypnotize me back in the day and it was quite relaxing actually, felt like it was just a minute when he told me it was longer. Thanks for posting this.

Chhandita said...

HYpnotherapy helped me get out of a bad bad time..and i hop it does the same for you...