November is Adoption Awareness Month, and so far, the month has been just that for us. More and more awareness about adoption.
We started the month by kicking off some of the steps for home study. We got our fingerprinting done first, because fingerprinting results take up to 3-4 weeks to come back. (Of course my finger printing wasn’t without drama! We discovered that my little pinky fingers don’t “print” very well. I have faint lines on my palms anyway, and the little pinkies are practically “smooth”. The fingerprint technician was making jokes with me, saying “If you ever turn to a life of crime, use your pinky fingers, so you don’t leave fingerprints! She then started referring to me as the “Pinky Finger Bank Robber”! Ha! Can you imagine that? I on the other hand couldn’t help but wonder if my fingerprints are getting eroded and my fingertips are now smooth because of all the “drumming my fingers” I have done in the last 8 years! So much of infertility and treatments involved waiting, doesn’t it? Hence the finger drumming…. get it? Get it?)
Then we got our medicals done. And as always, not without drama. No sir, in my life, nothing is without drama! DH went to his doctor, got a physical exam, got some blood work done, and was on his way. For me, drama.
As part of my physical, my Dr. ordered some blood work and X-ray. I went to get my X-Ray done, and after I was changed into the paper gown, the lab tech asks me “So I think I asked you this already, and you told me you are not pregnant, right?” No, lady, you did not ask me, and yes, while I am not pregnant, it shouldn’t be SO obvious, should it? I should at least be asked!!
Then I went to get the rest of my blood work done. I filled out my name and DOB on the check in form, and I get called up immediately.
Nurse: “Is this for your son?”
Me: …………………………… “No” (Couldn’t for the life of me figure out why she would assume that, till she pointed out that I had put 2009 in the “year” on the DOB part of the form!! D’oh! Why me?)
I finally get called in, and the phlebotomist puts on her glove and looks for my vein. She finds the vein, looks up at me, and says: “Looks like you’ve been poked a lot”. I said yes, and asked her how she could tell. She said she could feel all the scarring in my veins from the blood draws I have had earlier.
I could have let myself get sucked into the unfairness of it all, all the reminders, all the drama, and question the universe about the injustice that has been doled out towards me, and I did, for a tiny bit. I did have a “Woe is me” pity party for a little bit. But I am not going to allow myself to get sucked into that whirlpool again. I’m focusing on the end goal this time, and I have my sights set on bringing baby home.
The agency that we have selected as our adoption agency had an “Adoption Day Party” this weekend. DH and I went, to make use of the opportunity to meet other people in our shoes. It was an awesome experience. We met some birthmoms, and some adoptive families. There were little babies crawling / running around, and it was pure joy watching them.
Meeting the birthmoms was the best part. Talking to them brought images to my mind that this could work. We could, at the end of this, bring a child into our family in this way! We can actually do it! I hugged some of the birth moms after they shared their stories with us, and felt that all too familiar choke in my throat, and the sting of tears in my eyes. These birth moms are mere girls! 18 years old, 20 years old! They look like little kids! If we had had children at their age, some of them could actually BE our children! (I mean age wise)
I don’t know how our path ahead will be. I don’t know how rocky or smooth our adoption journey will be, but I do believe that somewhere in the universe, the wheels are turning. And our baby is making its way towards us. Only, none of us know how, and when it will all come together. But it will. It has to.
Sanctus…Some Free Associations
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