Friday, April 17, 2009

You don't have children

New Manager: Do you have children?
Me: No. I have a dog, though!
New Manager: Oh – what kind of dog do you have?
Me: German shepherd.
New Manager: Whoah!!!!!
Me: …………

In my head, I was dying to continue the conversation, and the imaginary continuation was:

Me: Do YOU have kids?
New Manager: Yes.
Me: Oh, what kind of kids do you have?
New Manager: Boy (or Girl)
Me: Whoah!!!!!!!

But no, the conversation didn’t go that way. Instead this is how it went:

New Manager: Where do you live?
Me: (Telling him where I live)
New Manager: Oh yes – I know the area. Yeah, see, you don’t have children; it doesn’t matter where you live.

Why is it that my life and my existence is so inconsequential just because I don't have children? Story of our lives huh? Darn it, IF!! 


Shelby said...

No, no, not darn IF, darn ignorant self-centered people! It doesn't matter where you live when you don't have kids? Wha, wha? So our physical safety or comfort means nothing until we have kids? Do we cease to exist until then? Sometimes it feels that way...

I always wonder if this is a way people (more specifically, parents) make themselves feel more valuable and important. Well, as far as I'm concerned, it just makes them look like jackasses! So annoying that you had to endure that. :(

Anonymous said...

I hate that!! ARGHHH!!! Sorry I am just mad. I want to punch your boss in the nose.

Lorraine said...

Great - I just hope you get pregnant, take advantage of the maternity leave, and quit. Soon.

I can say without a doubt that it really doesn't matter where you live - any kid lucky enough to live with you will already be in a fabulous location!

Anonymous said...

First of all - your supervisors should not be asking you if you have children - second, what a dope.

Other than a completely insensitive tool for a manager, how is it going?

Anonymous said...


I vow on this day to never be one of THOSE people WHEN we have kids.

Kris said...

That was a really odd comment from your New Manager. What? It doesn't matter where you live because you don't have kids?!? I have never heard that one before. Seems like some sort of odd insult. Not a good first impression of the New Manager at all...maybe s/he needs some management classes on how not to offend their employees perhaps?

bunny said...

What a jerk. Hopefully you'll have the last laugh...

Dora said...

Idiot!! Wonder what he'd say about my plans to raise a child in big bad NYC.

Nichole said...

I just wanted to say that I totally agree with the 3 previous comments - that is the most outrageous thing I have ever heard (and we have all heard a lot of outrageous comments through our IF struggle)

Jill M. said...

Why is it that everyone wants to ask us if we have children and then when they found out we don't, they have to point out all benefits of not having kids? Well I hope and pray that you get to answer "yes, I do have children" next time. Hugs

Lisa said...

Wow, how do such insensitive and clueless comments come out of some people's mouths? It truly is ignorance.

When someone says something superbly idiotic like this to me, I just think, oh, poor you. No one taught you any manners. I think self-centered people miss out on so much of the love and joy that comes from life when we are kind to each other.

Also, karma's a bitch.

Sorry you experienced this start with your new manager. I am hoping they redeem themself soon!

Josée Martens said...

What did you say? I would have said, "Yeah, that is what the prostitute next door told me too!"
"Yeah, we are nomads, in fact."
"Can I please smack you?"

What a dork. I mean, I'm sure he/she meant that you don't have to worry about park districts or school districts just yet so you have more flexibility but it came out all wrong.

Anonymous said...

Don't let it bother you, s/he didn't realize what s/he said. People never do, just like fertile people always tell infertile people things like "just relax and it will happen" or "if it's meant to be it will be"!!!
I'm sorry your boss made you feel bad but try to not to let it get you down!

DAVs said...

I don't even get it. Why would he say that? So completely insensitive.


Linda said...

I've come to the conclusion that we live in a fertile world, where it seems like everything revolves around children. Yep, even where we live. I've found out long ago when we built our house that the school district area would have a huge impact on buyers should you decide to sell. I'm sorry you had that ugh conversation with your new manager.

Sue said...

Oh I hate that! I went out to a "sit around while people try to sell you stuff" party at DH's boss's house and after the 4th person asked me about our kids, I finally said, rather loudly, "no, but I just had a miscarriage!". Um, noone else asked:-) I hate that I have to be stupid about it but I got annoyed. I hate being not included in conversations b/c we don't have kids and "don't know what it's like" too! argh. yuck.

Polly Gamwich said...

I get that too. And usually when it comes up that I don't have kids ... the woman (usually a mom herself - or a very proud/new dad) will MOVE ON to the next innocent person ... one who has kids and I just disappear into the background.

so sorry for your stupid boss.

C said...

Thats was pretty stupid of ur new manager! But thats how people are... i wish i could just send them all to some IF awareness class


I've come to realize that people only ask us if we have children because they want to brag about their own. They assume that we, like the rest of the world, have kids, and will want to prate on and on for hours about how perfect their children are. To the rest of the fertile world, we are an exciting as unbuttered toast.

Sorry you had to endure that. Too many ignorant, insensitive people on this earth. I, too, hope you get PG so you can quit!

Unknown said...

Just read your blog and I've actually had this said to me. I, like you felt the same way. I've had them all said to me. Yes, it is out of ignorance and normally comes from either a pregnant person's mouth or the mouth of someone with 6 kids all conceived within 4 years of each other!!! Erin hit the nail on the head.

Unknown said...

Oh... I made someone squirm in the line at Wal-Mart when they saw a pic of Octomom and made a comment. I said "I'll have to have fertility treatments to get pregnant and this woman went to a crazy doctor!!" Well, she gave me a look like I gave her TMI. HUH??? Why is it when people announce that they are "trying" that is not too much info and don't EVEN get me started on sex and pregnancy being EVERYWHERE. Anyway.. Off my soapbox!!!

Anonymous said...

arg. just catching up. i totally don't get this. school system? that is the only possible thing...but it still doesn't make any sense at all.

oh, the joy of co-workers. welcome back to the headache!!


Mo said...


just catching up. I hope you shot him down with daggers in your eyes. Ugh. I HATE the stupid things that people say.


JW Moxie said...

WTF? What kind of response was THAT? (from the manager, not you). As if not having kids explains EVERYTHING???