Through the rain, this is what we saw today. It has to mean something, doesn't it? Hope. Light at the end of the tunnel. Something to look forward to.
I'm doing much better today. Thank you all once again for reaching out and helping me when I felt low. I don't know how I would get through days like yesterday or feelings like the ones I had yesterday without you guys!
IF takes away so much from us, but in the process it gives us a lot too. My IF has given me a wonderful support group of people that get it. Had I not been infertile, I wouldn't be here, writing this right now, and I would have not had the opportunity to meet so many wonderful people!
IF took away the innocence of an "oops" conception, and the joys of a pregnancy which proceeds without incident. In its wake, it left behind a paranoia which causes one to obsess over EVERY twinge, every symptom, or the lack thereof, a paranoia which will not subside no matter how much one tries to "stay calm".
IF took away the carefree loud laugh and wicked sense of wit and humor I once possessed. In its wake, it left behind a large amount of bitterness.
IF took away many treasured relationships, for one reason or another - both friends and family. In its wake, it left behind a lonely isolation.
IF took away (from me) a career which could have, and was progressing extremely well. In its wake, it left behind a woman willing to give up EVERYTHING, for just one chance to have a baby.
However, IF did give me a lot of compassion and a lot of insight. Like April said in her comment to my last post, IF makes our lows lower and our highs higher. It makes us much more tuned in and perceptive to others. I'm learning to harness that perception and reaching out to people who are suffering like me. I'm learning that by reaching out and supporting people, I'm not only helping them in their struggles, I am actually helping build a support system for myself too.
More than anything, IF has shown me how strong I am, and how far and beyond far I'm willing to go to make my dreams come true. It has helped me prioritize my life, and has given me absolute lucidity on what's important to me.
It has taught me to focus on hope, because sometimes, it's all you've got! It has taught me to look through the rain and find the rainbows......