Answers to some questions

Thanks so much to all of you for responding to my last post. I loved all the WTF responses! Sometimes that's all one needs to put a smile on ones face. That and maybe a few shots of tequila would put a nice big smile on ones face. But oh, no alcohol, sorry. :-)

Today is a new day, and I've been doing a lot of thinking. With the amount of estrogen being pumped into my body right now, it's a little hard to even think straight actually. But I'm trying.

First and foremost - a lining problem is a trivial problem in the large scheme of things. I understand that. The bigger battle has been fought and won. We have 4 normal blasts on ice waiting for us. They aren't going anywhere. Therefore we do have the luxury of time.

Having said that, it brings me back to the fact that I now have a lining problem. That bothers me because I never had a problem making a lining before. While it's a small thing, it's just one more problem to tackle. Every time we find a problem and fix it, and we think that we've identified the issue, and NOW things will get better, a new problem pops up. Every single time. And like some of you said - it takes a lot of stamina to get up and face a new issue with everything else that's going on!

Some of you asked me if it could be because of the fact that my surgery was so recent. Answer: I don't know. My surgery was 4 months ago, at the end of October. If I get cancelled next week, and we have to start all over again, will I make a better lining? I don't know.

My gut feel? I feel that the surgery could be causing my uterus to scar. My body creates scar tissue. I know that from my knee injury / surgeries. I had one knee surgery, and it ended up becoming 4 knee surgeries because of the scarring that kept happening. I knew that, and I had told Dr. Sch that I was worried about doing the surgery because my uterus may develop scar tissue. (He had said if there is scarring, it happens immediately after the surgery, and to prevent that, he was using that balloon {remember my fan pull tail?}) And it's not just the one surgery. I've had a couple of D&Cs as well. Now I don't know if my uterus is developing scar tissue or not. But I feel like this may be the reason. And if this is the reason, then I probably won't make a thicker lining next month either.

Tori - you asked about Viagra. I asked the nurse last week when I was being postponed the first time. She said being on Viagra for one week may not make a difference. At that time she was pretty sure the estrace suppositories was all my body needed.

I have always talked about how my body responds well to medication, haven't I? Well, apparently it doesn't. I mean, to not grow even 1mm after being a week on estrace is weird. Strongblonde, you asked if they measured multiple times. Yes, the RE measured again and again. My uterus is retroverted and sometimes it's hard to get a lining measurement, so he takes several readings each time any way.

How am I doing? I know some of you have said time and again that I need to think positively. You know, I can't make myself do that. I'm a rational person, and I like to keep my hopes up, but I like to be realistic. If I feel positive, great, and if I don't, I can't make myself do it. And my gut is not jumping up and down with positivity right now. We'll see how it does over the course of the week. In the meantime, I'm doing all the medication etc that is required. And I'm doing it all diligently.

So I'm doing ok. I'm willing to give it one more week. But I'm being realistic about it. If I grow a beautiful lining next week, HURRAH!! If I don't, I'm taking a break. The entire past year has been devoted to IVFs and in the process, I have reduced myself to nothing but my IF. I have let it shake my self esteem, my confidence in my body, in my abilities. If next week brings bad news, then I'm going to side-step a little. I need to take a breather, regain some of my life back.