Father’s day 2008. I had POASed that morning, and seen 2 lines. This was from IVF #4, and we were to go for beta the next day.
Once my BFP was confirmed, we waited for the elusive u/s – 2 weeks after the second beta (by the way the betas had doubled – more than doubled NICELY!)
A little over a week after the second beta, I started getting a feeling that something wasn’t right. I don’t know – like a sixth sense. I had a little cramping. Not unusual. I had very very slight brown spotting. Not unusual again.
Then why did I feel something was wrong? I don’t know. I couldn’t wait another week for my u/s. So I called the doctor and requested to be seen earlier because of my “bad feeling”.
They agreed. Everything went south from there. No sac, or maybe a sac, come back in 2 days, let’s wait another week, no, we still don’t see anything, repeat your beta, come back in 2 days etc etc etc. Doesn’t look good, let’s do a D&C. HcG is still rising. Doesn’t look good, let’s give you methotrexate. HcG FINALLY begins to go down.
From then, I waited till almost the middle of August for my HcG levels to fall down to negative. My arms were sore from blood draws every 3 days. My heart was dead from what was going on. My brain was tired. Yet we waited.
Then we waited to regroup with the RE. Our RE suggested CCRM, and we discussed it, and I called for an appointment.
Then we waited for our phone consult with Dr. Schoolcraft.
Then we waited for AF to schedule our 1 day work up. (This was the only wait which was short).
Then, after the 1 day work up, we waited for AF to schedule my surgery.
Then we waited 6 weeks to go back for post op hysteroscopy.
Then we waited for 12/16 to arrive.
Today is exactly 6 months since the beta of my last IVF. I have been waiting 6 months to be able to move on.
Today I am waiting for the day to move on so it can be evening and I can do my injection and “officially” get started.
Everything about IF is all about waiting, is it not? We wait to get started, then we wait to find out the results – wait, wait, wait – always!
I wish I could look into a crystal ball or something and know what awaits us on the other side. It may make waiting unnecessary, or worth the while.
Sanctus…Some Free Associations
2 days ago