Is it worth trying to save or salvage a relationship with a fertile friend? A friendship lost in an effort to protect myself from feeling let down in front of my friend’s lack of emotion. A lost friendship that I miss dearly.
I’m torn. On the one hand, I feel incensed that she doesn’t get it. And I have tried to explain, not once or twice, but several times. On the other hand, I miss the friendship.
So what should I do? Pretend I’m fine, and be “friends” with her? Or accept the fact that things aren’t fine, and if she doesn’t get it and doesn’t feel any emotion for my situation, and me then I should be willing to move on?
Why must an infertile always end up making the effort to pretend things are great, just to “fit in” in the world of fertiles? Why can they not see things from our perspective?
Is it that hard for a friend to say: “I’m sorry” ? And I am not one to expect it again and again. But is it wrong for me to expect a “I’m sorry” one time over the course of a year and 3 pregnancy losses?
I’ve told her in these words “The last year has been the most difficult one for us so far. (DH) is busy with (work) and I’m busy trying to keep myself sane.” (This was part of an email exchange last week). And it’s not like she does not know of my struggles or losses. She does. But doesn’t say anything because she says “I don’t know what to say”. Her response to this last email was “Whatever it takes to keep one happy – that should be our goal.”
This is a friend who decided to “go for baby no. 2” when I told her I was finally pregnant last year. This is the friend who had that second baby 3 months ago and has not even sent us a birth announcement.
After this email exchange she sent me a link with pictures – full of her 2 kids. I had to scroll through 60 pictures to even get the name of the new baby.
What am I expected to do? Say “Ooooh what a cute baby – congratulations?” Maybe I should also keep quiet and if asked, say “I don’t know what to say.”
What would you do? Why am I letting this get under my skin and make me so mad? Why is it so hard to just close this chapter and move on?
PS: Have I totally lost it? I recently had a dream that I took a very fertile friend to the pharmacy and bought her birth control pills. I haven’t seen this friend in over 4 years. Go figure…. ☺
The Arc of Common Sense is Long
3 days ago