Thursday, November 6, 2008

Now for those who are....

Firstly, thank you so much for all your comments! I am touched more than you will know to receive so much response and support.

It’s also so relieving to know that I’m not alone in feeling what I feel. IF does feel very isolating. Sometimes I feel like I’m standing still, and the world is whizzing past me. A lot of memories and emotions seem blurry. It feels like I am here, stuck holding on to my dream, while the rest of the world is busy living their dream.

But through all this, and through the pain and the anger and bitterness, through all the lost friendships and distanced relationships, there have been many shining stars.

My true friends – who, like G said, are here, holding me up. My true friends IRL – who have not judged, and who have cried with me when I cried, and been there for me when they felt I needed a hug. I cannot ever repay what they have done for me. You know who you are – you know,  you who call and check on me every day, you drop in with food, or hugs every once in a while. Thank you thank you thank you! 

My friends from my online message boards, and my friends from the blogosphere. You will never know – but some of you have ended up meaning more to me than many IRL friends ever could. Most of you I haven’t met – yet – but I am sure we will meet, at some point. There are so many that I wish I could meet!

I had the lovely fortune of meeting with Shelby, and spending an amazing evening just talking! There was no awkwardness, no feeling of “But I don’t even know her”. I was shocked to see the time when we got up to leave! I look forward to meeting her again, and of course, any other bloggers from the Bay Area!

IF is so very isolating, yet at the same time, so very strengthening! I never thought I would ever have the kind of resilience and dogged determination to keep fighting IF like I have. IF has brought DH and me so much closer. Sometimes it feels like we don’t need the rest of the world. It has made me much more compassionate, and much more tolerant and sympathetic of others. IF has also brought to my life a crystal clear clarity of my priorities. I know what I want and how far I’m willing to go to get it!


Shelby said...

I loved to meeting with you, Nikki! I will let you know when I'm headed down your way again. I welcome you to join me and some of my support group ladies out for some dinner. Although everyone meets in SF (it's quite a trek for me, too) it is certainly worth the support.

Linda said...

Yep, we're all in this together. And by knowing that, it makes it seem much less lonely. :)

April said...

The IF blogosphere has meant a lot to me as well. I totally get what you are saying about's hard. And even though you have friends IRL who may be supportive, I think that the support of people who are going through it, who have lived the injections, the sadness, the hopelessness...those people who really *get it* is what helps you feel somewhat normal (at least for me!!).

*great big hugs**