One more anniversary

This is the first time we saw our baby's heart beating, last year, today. 

Tears of joy streaming down my face.

Tears of joy streaming down DH's face.

DH holding my hand so tight that my fingers could have fallen off.

Me: speechless. Too many knots in my throat for anything sensible to come out.

DH: Also speechless. And then finally "Thank you Doctor"

Dr. M: Also speechless, but smiling like a proud grandpa. "Don't thank me, there is a higher power. Thank that power."

4 days later, on Nov 17, I woke up to bright red bleeding. We panicked and called the hospital. They called us in and did another u/s. See how much bigger the baby already was? She was doing well. Her heart was beating fine. 

This was the last time we saw our baby's heart beating, but we did not know that then. If we had known, we may have asked Dr. M to let us watch it longer. 

If we had a baby girl, she would be named "Aditi". In Sanskrit that means "Mother of God". She went too early to be with God, but we long for the day when we will all be together again. (Testing after the m/c did reveal it was in fact a girl - and that was what I had felt all along.)

(The pictures are a little grainy - but that's what we have. I have removed my real name to protect whatever is left of my identity - which is little, considering my most intimate details get discussed here!)