I'm tired of going onto the message boards and finding new people with questions. It strikes me real hard when I can count the "oldies" on the fingers of one hand. All the others have come and gone (mostly gone on with pregnant bellies). I'm tired of having most of the answers because I've been there at some point. Now I don't even feel like answering any more. I'm just plain tired!
But there is always a little ray of hope that keeps me going. I'm back to hoping again. I'm hoping my trip to Denver brings me some major revelations, and suddenly we're able to boink our heads and say "Of course!!! Why did we never think of that???" Or "Of course - how come Dr M didn't think of that???"
Chances are, there won't be any major revelations. I'm just hoping my self out into a vulnerable spot again, to let myself be disappointed. Do I sound bitter? It's because I am. I wasn't, but I am now. Extremely "bittered" by everything that I have gone through and everything that I have lost.
I'm not going to say much - I don't want to jinx whatever hope I have for Denver. I want to go with a blank canvas (or one that has been painted white over what was an extremely messy black and red canvas!)