Jon Bon Jovi first strummed and rocked his way into my heart when I was a giddy teenager many many years ago. For some reason I have always loved this guy, and therefore, his band.
This is a recent Bon Jovi song that I love. I was thinking how the words resonate "fate" and also hope and encouragement. Maybe I am where I am in my IF journey, and I am there because that's where I am supposed to be right now. Maybe I shouldn't doubt myself and my abilities so much because "God makes no mistakes"
Here are the lyrics to "Welcome to Wherever you are" from the album "Have a Nice Day"
But we're still the same
We all got the blood of Eden running through our veins
I know sometimes it's hard for you to see
You're caught between just who you are and who you wanna be
If you feel alone and lost and need a friend
Remember every new beginning is some beginning's end
Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life; you made it this far
Welcome, you gotta believe
That right here, right now you're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome to wherever you are
When everybody's in and you're left out
And you feel you're drowning in the shadow of a doubt
Everyone's a miracle in their own way
Just listen to yourself, not what other people say
When it seems you're lost, alone and feelin' down
Remember, everybody's different; just take a look around
Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life; you made it this far
Welcome, you gotta believe
Right here, right now you're exactly where you're supposed to be
Be who you want to be, be who you are
Everyone's a hero, everyone's a star
When you wanna give up and your heart's about to break
Remember that you're perfect; God makes no mistakes
Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
Welcome, you gotta believe
Right here, right now you're exactly where you're supposed to be
Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
(I say welcome) Welcome to wherever you are
This is your life, you made it this far
(welcome) you gotta believe
Right here right now, Welcome"
Sometimes it's so hard to believe that there's a plan behind all this. But perhaps there is. Perhaps this was meant to be for a reason. I don't know that reason yet, and perhaps I never will.
This weekend I've been thinking how consumed I am by our infertility. Everything - and I mean EVERYTHING in my life is about my failures and my losses and disappointments. I have been asking myself to "accept" and try and mould my life around what is, and not what could be or should be.
I tried to think about who I was before all this hit me. Can I, in some way, bring that person back to life so she can continue down life's journey in an unaffected manner? Or have I been maimed and mutilated beyond repair? I'm not sure how one moves on, and lives a normal life. When we started TTC, we still had friends who didn't have children, or who weren't even TTC then. Now, 7 years later, there's almost nobody we know who doesn't have babies. We're at that age where all our friends are measuring their achievements and progress in baby milestones. Given that influence in our social life, how does one accept and move on? Won't we always appear as the sticking out "sore thumb" couple?
There will either be pity and pity induced inclusions, or pity induced exclusions. Both situations are painful to us. Every time a friend talks about their baby, is it not pathetic to respond with a Simba anecdote? IF is very very isolating, and it's a struggle that hits you so deep in your person that it shakes your very core.
IF changes you so much that it's sad. I asked DH how I am different now from when he first knew me. His one sentence answer said it all "Your eyes now search for a purpose" How did we come to this? If there is a reason behind all this, and if God is perfect and has intended us to be where we are today, why is it so hard to accept?
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2 comments:
Great song lyrics! I haven't heard that one. I *heart* Bon Jovi.
I too have questioned whether this is where I am supposed to be and now it is up to me to accept and live with IF. It is my current life challenge and probably one of the biggest I've ever faced. Being consumed by IF and pissed off at the universe as a result is definitely standing in my way of this acceptance. In fact, it may be standing in the way of my life.
So, my current goal is to try to deal with it, but not let it take me over. While lately this has seemed almost impossible, it's still a worthy cause.
aaww Nikki, we all wonder about where were going, where we've been, and all the what if's our mind can imagine....and yah all those can drive a person right out of their minds, please don't go crazy lol cuz i can tell you when it comes to IF and i too have been trying for 7 years now and can you say LOST HOPE!!! it hurts saying those words, but we are only human and we all think that way. I hope you get to family we've always dreamed about and more. Do whateva you can to make that dream come true. ***and just remember to try (i know it's easier said then done) to go with the flow otherwise it will be like running into a rock wall everytime you over think things. Be tough Nikki, it will happen when you least expect hun... Nora webmd buddy (goingon7years).
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