DH took me out for dinner yesterday, we spent some time talking. I know he gets it, and I know he would do anything to make me happy, but I also know that nothing can fix this pain - not till we come to the end of our journey, either with a baby, biological or otherwise, or after having closed this chapter entirely.
Many of you suggested antidepressants and counseling. I will look into it if need be. For now, I want to try and focus on the positives in my life, and try and make myself come out of my funk.
I went for my u/s this morning. I was so sure my stubborn stuck lining would still be at 4.9mm, and even my RE smiled a sorry smile when he walked into the room and saw me sitting there. But lo and behold - my stubborn lining is waking up! It measured 5.4 mm today, and is finally even showing the tri-phasic pattern.
So I'm back to my routine of Estrace suppositories, Delestrogen injections, Vivelle patches, acupuncture and I go back in one week for blood work and u/s. Back to my next one week installment of this FET cycle!
I'm happy that my lining moved, even if it means another week of hanging on to whatever little hope I can muster.
My next u/s is next Monday, which is also my 38th birthday. It could be a happy birthday for me, or it could end up pushing me into a funk again. We'll see. I've been on Lupron since 1/27 - I'm ready to get off it now - one way or another!