Friday, January 9, 2009


Many things in life aren't fair. Many times you're blindsided or sucker-punched, and it sucks when that happens. But I'm not giving up without a fair fight. We've fought long and hard at this, and I'm going to claw my way back up. 

I've spent a major portion of yesterday licking my wounds and feeling sorry for myself. Many of you came to my pity party - thanks for dropping by. Sorry I didn't serve good booze ;-)

Here's what has transpired since my last post.

I emailed the nurse at CCRM saying I was disappointed with our results and could she check if any of the immature eggs had any hope. She had the embryologist call me again. We went through all the numbers again.

Oocytes Retrieved: 31
Mature eggs: 24
ICSI done on: 24

The break down of the ICSIed eggs:
Normally fertilized: 14
Didn't survive the ICSI procedure due to being fragile: 2
Fertilized abnormally (with multiple nuclei / too much DNA): 6
Mature but damaged egg: 1
Mature but "giant" egg: 1

I asked the embryologist if we had any hopes of any of the other eggs maturing. She said she looked, and it did look like there were 2, possibly 3 that may mature. She would perform ICSI on them, and would call me today with the report. I asked her if it was normal to have so many abnormally fertilized with ICSI. She said it does seem like we had a large number. She also mentioned that some of our embryos are looking "vacuolated". I asked her what that meant, and she said "I'm not sure I know how to explain it, but it looks like your embryos have pockets or vacuoles". 

In 4 previous IVFs and several embryos that have been formed and tested and transferred, nobody has every mentioned a quality issue. No egg quality issue, no embryo quality issue. Yes, I accept that all those previous IVFs were done previously, ie, I was younger, if only by a few months. So has the downhill aging process caught up so quickly? 

Today, I emailed the sales rep at the insurance company who has been dealing with my ex employer. (I was put in touch with him yesterday by the HR assistant). He called and has confirmed that I do have infertility coverage, and he apologized for the bad information that was given to me. He said he would work with the concerned people to get me my pre-authorizations. He also wished me good luck with the cycle - I thought that was very sweet of him. I have given him all the information he needed, and now I'm waiting for him or someone from his team to get my authorizations done. Thankfully that's one step closer to closure. 

Then I called CCRM, and spoke with the embryologist. He said they managed to mature 4 more eggs, and did ICSI on all 4 yesterday. One of them is showing 2 cells today, but they're not sure if it is fertilized or not. (Huh???) The others don't seem to have done anything, but he will leave them in the culture and watch them to see if something happens. 

I asked him about the vacuolation and asked if it was a bad thing to have vacuolated embryos. He said it need not necessarily be a bad thing. It's just an observation, but that they really don't know much about vacuolation. 

So as of now, we have the 14, and possibly 1 additional that has done some sort of division.

They will call us tomorrow with Day 3 progress and will biopsy the embryos on Monday for PGD. We don't know what the outcome will be. I hope we will have at least something to transfer. 

I had got into this cycle thinking I was going to be ok with the knowledge that we tried all we could, no matter what the outcome. But it seems like I am a lot more invested into the process and a failure (God forbid) will be hard to take. 

We are back home in CA - for the first time this year! We saw Simba for the first time this year. I slept for 10 hours straight last night - I guess it's good to be home! 


Lisa said...

TG for the insurance coming through - you did not need that stress. I hope that they have a great report for you tomorrow and I cannot wait to hear about it.

Courtney said...

Keep these updates coming Nikki. I'm so glad to hear that things are working out with your insurance that was sweet of him to wish you luck this cycle. Proud of you!!

Jill M. said...

Just stopping by to see if you have any booze this time. Just kidding! Thanks for posting all those details, it's very interesting. I got everything crossed for your 14 embies and can't wait to hear your day 3 report. Glad to hear that the insurance panned out. Stay positive!

Anonymous said...

I am hoping for great news tomorrow.

Just know that you have done everything you can and it is out of your control now (this is very difficult for me, probably for any of us)
I am so glad that the insurance worked out, that is a big relief.

I am sure it feels good to be home.

margelina said...

Glad you got the insurance thing's ridiculous how much mis-information insurance reps seem to give out, no matter what insurance or where you live, it's a little crazy.
Just take a breath and relax and enjoy being home. Hopefully, come Monday, you will have great news regarding your emryos. I'm sure this is hard for you, but we are all here in your corner. (((hugs)))

Jewels said...

I just want you to know I'm reading all your updates, I may not have much to say - as I feel I'm watching a really intense movie, I'm on the edge of my seat and biting my nails as I root for you and pray this is a success.

Your in my T&P.

JJ said...

We just got home to Atlanta and I wanted to check on you straight away. I'm hoping you get a great report tomorrow and all 14 are hanging in there (or maybe even 15). This is the worst kind of stress there is, and we're going through it together, step by step. I'm thinking of you.

natenang654 said...

Wow, what a crazy few days for you! So glad the insurance is worked out (glad all of that stress was after the ER, too!). Hoping for good news about your embabies!!

Sarang said...

Welcome back, Nikki! I am so glad your insurance worked out. It must be a huge relief, sorry you got bad information in the first place. It was drama you did not need.

I am praying for you this cycle and your miracle.

Lorraine said...

Well, wow! I am really glad to hear that the insurance will at least work out for the best - and I'm hoping that's a trend. It's hard to keep reminding yourself that you really only need one, as long as that one is in there everything else is just extra.

Of course, I'm hoping for lots of extra for you, too!

bunny said...

welcome home! it is the best feeling to be home. hope that you get some good news in your next reports. thinking of you!

April said...

so glad that the insurance thing worked out. see? i think that they hire people who just say no all of the time and hope that no one persues it any further.

keep us updated as things progress with the fertility report :)