Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Call me a sucker for torture or an extremely brave moron

So either I am a sucker for pain and torture or am trying to be brave and strong. I have been through a D&C before, but at that time was in too much of a shock from the news of my miscarriage. So this time I thought I should do some research on what they really do there.

Can I say EEEWWWW??????? I went on Youtube, and looked for videos of D&C. I came across one which was in some other language (thankfully), but I watched it. GROSS!!!!! I am now totally and completely freaked out at what they are going to do to me tomorrow. There is no solace that I've gone through it before and survived! 

Oh my god, I should have stayed clear of that video. Tomorrow when I get in there, I am probably going to ask for extra anesthesia or something! 

On a serious note - I am ready for tomorrow. I am ready to move on. I am beginning to grow some hope in my heart, and am beginning to look ahead. I mean, that's who I am, isn't it? Cheerful, hopeful, and fighting fate. It's like that commercial on TV that says "I have cancer, cancer doesn't have me".

I will not let IF have me. I will not give up without fighting to the last ounce of fight left in me. I realize that I have made some wonderful friends in the virtual world - I wish I could meet some of you some day. That would be awesome right? Fight IF, get our families by any means legally possible (to steal Carolyn's quote). Once we've all done that, how about we have that Baby Splendor party that poor Joy got invited to so insensitively? We'll do it, and we'll invite only the IF's, to celebrate our strength and sensitivity!

On that note, I'm going to sign off for a couple of days. I don't know if I will be in any position to post tomorrow. But I will post when I am able to. 


Earl Gearl said...

I hope everything goes well tomorrow Nikki. Now you have me interested. I'm going to go look up D&C videos now...

Nikki said...

Don't watch it - it will make you sick! YUCK YUCK YUCK.

But if you must, and you want the name or link, I can give it to you ;-)

kloc2006 said...

I hope everything goes smoothly tomorrow. It's nice to "hear" the hope in your voice again. I admire your strength and determination. Hold tightly to the knowledge that you WILL be a mom someday.

trhule said...

Thinking you you sweetie! I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better...I will be praying for you and DH!