Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Drumming my fingers

I'm waiting - yet again! :-)

Another blood draw this morning, and now I wait for the call from the clinic with my numbers. I don't feel any different from last week, so I don't know what to expect. I can't say with confidence that my HcG would have fallen, but I sure hope it has!

What else is happening - so there was a new phlebotomist at the clinic today who was being taught how to draw blood. She appeared so nervous, and once the needle was in my arm, she realized that she had not struck my vein because no blood came gushing out. She almost froze. The older person who was training her was giving her step by step instructions. "Move the needle, feel the vein. Yes, there you go. Watch the volume of blood in the test tube. Release the vacuum, now remove the needle" etc etc etc. I was sitting there feeling like a little guinea pig, and thinking, I could have told this girl all that. I've had this done SO many times, that I could have trained her. 

And before that, while I was waiting in the lobby, the receptionist (who is a temp from the doctor's office part of the clinic) told me that the regular receptionist was not in because her husband was killed last Thursday. I was shocked. I had been in on Thursday and had spoken with the receptionist! I said "I'm back" and she said "I know, I'm sorry you're having to come so often, but I like seeing you". She was sitting there doing her job, smiling, talking etc, and she didn't know that was the day her husband was going to die! I heard that and sat there thinking how hard that must be. 

We all take life for granted. Yet, one moment can turn this life upside down. I was thinking what if something like that happened to DH. How would I survive or continue to live? I would totally not know what to do or where to go. I would be shattered into little pieces, and never be able to collect myself again.

My heart goes out to the receptionist and her family, and my resolution or thought for the day is to rejoice in what we have. Celebrate the lives we have, and don't forget to express our love to our loved ones. Life is too precious and too short. I have been tending to spend my days in silence, thinking, moping. And DH has been fantastic. I think I need to enjoy what I have and not whine so much about what I don't have. I could not have fought this battle so long and so strong had it not been for DH. 

So DH - if and when you read this, Thank You. The strength you instill in me is part of why I love you so much and why I am willing to fight battles like IF so easily. 

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