Wednesday, July 9, 2008

How do you know

How do you know what's right for you as the next step? Where do you go from here? I have so many questions in my heart, and I don't know where to get the answers.

I wish there was an instruction manual to life, just like the ones that came with our dishwasher and washing machine and dryer. Where you could jump to "Troubleshooting" and read about your particular situation, get your answers and move on. 

I'm doing a lot of soul searching - wondering whether I should accept to lead a childless life, or pursue adoption. We tried to conceive for 7 years - does that give me an indication of what my heart wants? Do I want to be pregnant or do I want a family? Do I want a genetic link with my child, or do I not? 

I know one thing for sure - I don't want to make any decisions on a rebound. It's too early and my emotions are too raw right now to make proper decisions. But would my direction not be clearing up? I thought it was. Then I went and got a book on adoption. Reading it is making me more confused. 

I really wish someone or something could guide and direct us at this point. I'm completely lost and confused, and I don't like to be so out of control of my life. It feels like there is NOBODY I can talk this over with - and I just keep waiting for "enlightenment"

Sigh..........

2 comments:

Earl Gearl said...

I know what you mean about not knowing and wanting to be enlightened. And I also am more confused since starting my book about adoption. It's a hard process we are going through.

heavenlytini said...

i know how you feel extactly!!! just feels like you've lost control over your life! how can it come so easily for others yet we struggle everyday with this thing we call infertility? i'll be praying for you. and ur right take your time with your decisions i'm sure in the end you will have made to right choice for you!!good luck