Sunday, July 6, 2008

July 6, 2008

Today would have been the EDD of our first pregnancy. I lost our daughter during my 9th week of pregnancy in Nov 2007. Our world came crashing down around us and we did not know how to pick up the pieces and continue.

We thought the thing that would help us heal the most, would be to be pregnant by the EDD, ie, by today. We proceeded to do two more IVF's. However today, not only am I mourning the loss of my first pregnancy, but I am also dealing with the sadness of a chemical pregnancy in April 2008, and a second miscarriage, which is happening currently.

Ever since I found out about our last miscarriage last week, I have been dreading today. I have been dreading waking up today, and I thought I would not make it through the day without a breakdown. It is 6 PM now, and I have lasted. We went and bought a bougainvillea plant which we are planting in our yard in our children's memory. I am feeling a lot better after bringing the plant home.

I also want to try and make the blog a little more light. I realize that I write mostly when I am sad, and I tend to be very intense with my emotions. I am going to try and bring a little humour into my life. Let's try and find the Nikki that existed 7 years ago!

1 comment:

Earl Gearl said...

Nikki, thanks for leaving me your blog address. I truly hope the best for you and your DH. I don't think anyone can ever expect infertility and it is so hard to cope. You put the feelings into words so nicely. Just remember that there are people that do understand, maybe not all of it, but some of it.