We thought the thing that would help us heal the most, would be to be pregnant by the EDD, ie, by today. We proceeded to do two more IVF's. However today, not only am I mourning the loss of my first pregnancy, but I am also dealing with the sadness of a chemical pregnancy in April 2008, and a second miscarriage, which is happening currently.
Ever since I found out about our last miscarriage last week, I have been dreading today. I have been dreading waking up today, and I thought I would not make it through the day without a breakdown. It is 6 PM now, and I have lasted. We went and bought a bougainvillea plant which we are planting in our yard in our children's memory. I am feeling a lot better after bringing the plant home.
I also want to try and make the blog a little more light. I realize that I write mostly when I am sad, and I tend to be very intense with my emotions. I am going to try and bring a little humour into my life. Let's try and find the Nikki that existed 7 years ago!