It has been a very frustrating last couple of weeks. I am neither here nor there with this whole thing. I'm neither pregnant, nor have I miscarried completely. My body is in complete hormone chaos, and I feel responsible for putting it through all of this.
Physically my symptoms are slowly but surely improving. For instance - I am slightly less bloated. Of course I still am in no position to button up my jeans etc, but I feel lesser like a balloon than I did even last week. Till last week I couldn't even walk 2 blocks without getting tired. This morning I walked quite a bit, and didn't feel very tired. So those are the positives.
Needless to say, I wish I was not here counting the ways in which my body is realizing the loss of my pregnancy as "positives", but what do you do? You have to move on in life, right? How much can you cry and mope over things?
Which brings me to my other thoughts - I'm still wondering what I should do. I have 1 IVF left covered by my insurance. Should I do that? Or should I close this chapter and pursue adoption in a focussed manner? I'm finding it very hard to make the decision.
I have an appointment with my RE in 3 weeks. By then I want my mind to be clear so I can discuss things practically with him.
For anyone reading this - would you mind posting me a comment with your views on what you think I should do? I want to see what others would do in my shoes. For new readers, in short, my history is - 7 years of TTC, several Clomid cycles, several IUI cycles, 4 IVF's, 1 cancelled FET, 2 miscarriages, 1 chemical pregnancy.
Should I take the chance and see if that one last IVF will work, and if my body will cooperate in keeping the pregnancy? Or is it not worth the emotional trauma that comes with a BFP and a possible miscarriage or chemical pregnancy again? Thoughts please.....