Monday, July 14, 2008

Waiting for the call

I had yet another blood test this morning to check my HcG. I am waiting for the call with the results and I am wondering about the possibilities of the outcome.

It has been a very frustrating last couple of weeks. I am neither here nor there with this whole thing. I'm neither pregnant, nor have I miscarried completely. My body is in complete hormone chaos, and I feel responsible for putting it through all of this. 

Physically my symptoms are slowly but surely improving. For instance - I am slightly less bloated. Of course I still am in no position to button up my jeans etc, but I feel lesser like a balloon than I did even last week. Till last week I couldn't even walk 2 blocks without getting tired. This morning I walked quite a bit, and didn't feel very tired. So those are the positives. 

Needless to say, I wish I was not here counting the ways in which my body is realizing the loss of my pregnancy as "positives", but what do you do? You have to move on in life, right? How much can you cry and mope over things? 

Which brings me to my other thoughts - I'm still wondering what I should do. I have 1 IVF left covered by my insurance. Should I do that? Or should I close this chapter and pursue adoption in a focussed manner? I'm finding it very hard to make the decision. 

I have an appointment with my RE in 3 weeks. By then I want my mind to be clear so I can discuss things practically with him. 

For anyone reading this - would you mind posting me a comment with your views on what you think I should do? I want to see what others would do in my shoes. For new readers, in short, my history is - 7 years of TTC, several Clomid cycles, several IUI cycles, 4 IVF's, 1 cancelled FET, 2 miscarriages, 1 chemical pregnancy. 

Should I take the chance and see if that one last IVF will work, and if my body will cooperate in keeping the pregnancy? Or is it not worth the emotional trauma that comes with a BFP and a possible miscarriage or chemical pregnancy again? Thoughts please.....


Earl Gearl said...

Nikki, if you are anything like me, you won't want to leave any stone unturned. If there is the slightest chance that you'll regret not doing the last IVF, go for it. Personally, I think I would do it. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Lauren said...

Hi, Nikki. I wholeheartedly agree with Lisa. If I had one chance left, I'd go for it. I would never want to wonder if that was that one that would have worked. I'm assuming your insurance is covering most if not all of the IVF, so I'd go for it. Of course, only you and your hubby know how much more you can take. If you're at peace with moving on, then that's OK, too. Good luck, and may God bless you in whatever direction you take.

Nikki said...

Thanks girls - yes, and the reason that I am even wondering along these lines is that I don't want to have a regret later. That is also the reason that DH and I kept trying non stop for 7 years, because of a) the hope that it would work, and b) not wanting to regret 20 years later that we should have tried.

I do still want my RE to give us his candid opinion too, and will base my decision on our discussion with him

Anonymous said...


I agree as well that you sould try one last time. I understand where your heart is as I have been tring since 01 to get PG and I did once and M/C around 8 weeks. My heart break for you and your husband. I hope you have a successful meeting with your RE. I will be thinking of you Wed. I too have been there, big cyber hugs!