Friday, August 22, 2008

8.5 lbs?????? Are you kidding me???

No I haven't lost 8.5 lbs! I wish! I'm just so upset that I could scream!

Since this is my personal space, and since I talk about the most intimate part of my life here, I guess I can discuss my body statistics too. I'm about 5 ft 4, and on my home weighing scale, I "usually" weigh in at around 130. I'm not skinny, but I'll live with 130. This was my weight in March 2008. Then I got started on IVF#3, and by the end of April, probably gained a couple of lbs, but didn't really care, because I had a chemical pregnancy. We decided to plough on ahead, and we got our schedule for IVF#4. 

Now, after IVF#4, and the BFP, and the ectopic, and the whole story, my home scale shows 136. I hate to see that number, but I thought OK never mind, I'll work out and regain my body back. So I started going for walks at first, and last week started going to the gym. The scale does not move ONE bit. I got frustrated and complained to DH that I was upset and feeling fat and unattractive and how my thighs are jiggly and how my stomach is jiggly etc. He said he thinks I've lost weight, and I will continue to lose the rest, and maybe the machine at home is faulty, and that I should weigh myself in the gym. Their machine has to be accurate.

Worst suggestion for my already low morale and self confidence!!!! I went to the gym this morning and got on the scale and it read 144.5!!! I could have cried! I felt like slinking along the walls and leaving the gym! I have NO motivation to lose that much weight!! (Yes, I was wearing clothes and shoes at the gym - but I highly doubt my clothes and shoes weigh 8.5 lbs!)

Here I was worrying over losing 6 lbs, and the gym scale says I need to lose about 14.5????? 8.5 lbs extra to lose over what I need to lose anyway? Oh and the 130 I had reached after the last couple of years of SH*T. The weight noted on my driver's license from 3 years ago is 124. I'm not even TRYING to get there anymore!!! 

At this point, right here, right now, I'm more depressed about my weight and my jiggly blubber than I am about my losses and being infertile! I hate it hate it hate it!!!

9 comments:

Darya said...

Oh sweetie! The gym scales are always way off because this is exactly what they want- for you to freak out and go there more and more. It's all a scam! You don't need to lose 14.5lbs and I'm sure your DH is right- you've lost weight but muscle is tighter than fat so you are smaller but way the same or maybe a little more. How do your clothes feel?

If it makes you feel any better- I gained about 40lbs a few years ago and I haven't been able to lose any of it :-( You know- we can't control our IF but we CAN control our weight. Lets lose weight together and exercise more. I think we will both feel empowered. What do you say?

Kymberli said...

Okay, Nikki - you and I need to get our jiggly butts together. Not literally, but we need to get our ACTS together and motivate each other to shed all of this cycling weight. I've been feeling the same way. How's this for some numbers - I've gained about 30 pounds since this time last year, and 20 of it came from back-to-back cycling starting in February (2 fresh transfers and a m/c in the 6th week. We can do it! I need to get going with the IFer SparkPeople group that I started. It's time to rally the weight loss troops!

Nikki said...

OK guys - both of you - Darya and Kym - let's do it. Darya I already told you my plan.

Kym - I'm starting with gym 3 times a week, and walks on the other 4 days. Drink more water - that's my goal to start with. I'm not very good with dieting - so I'll keep that as a second step. Tell me more about IFer SparkPeople - and yes, let's rally the weight loss troops!

g said...

If it makes you feel any better i consititantly gained 10lbs with each IVF.. it sux ass! and its even harder to get off! (for me anyway ) i would love to loose at least 10 or even 15 before my cycle comeing up but dont know if i can do it!! i stay away from scales! they are dangerous! especially the gym ones.. you know they are weighted!! ;) it keeps themin buisness! LOL Sounds like you have a great plan there!! i know u can do it!

Earl Gearl said...

I'm so sorry! I know how frustrating weight can be. Please don't let it get you too down. Plus, you can never trust gym scales! Good luck. It sounds like you have a great plan!

Lauren said...

Oh, Nikki. I'm so sorry you're this frustrated! Don't let it consume you -- set small goals and just take it from there. And try not to let a number control you! Scales are evil! :)
As for my post, feel free to use the video. I hope it helped you a bit. (((((((HUGS))))))

Jackie. said...

No! No! No! Please don't freak out about this. Use the same scale that you always use (at home ONLY) to determine your progress. That way you will have consistency. I'm in the same boat with you. A trainer told me that as I re-embark on exercise, I will get a bit bulkier first, gain a bit a weight (muscle weighs more), and THEN start to loose it. Please look at yourself in the mirror today and tell yourself that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. I hate this weight thing, and I know the web we weave when we get hung up on it. I think that many of us can relate.
p.s. Love what Kymberli said about getting our jiggly butts together. I don't have a butt at all (seriously, a straight line down from my back to my toes-- sad story), but I can join you with my man arms and some jiggle tummy.

Shelby said...

Nikki, I am feeling ya here. During the mere 10 weeks I was pregnant, I gained 10 pounds. Then, I mourned the loss by putting another 10 pounds on. 20 pounds in a 4 months! Eeek! I think your plan of starting at the gym and drinking more water is a great first step. A little at a time and then work up to diet changes, if needed. I will gladly join in this revolution!

heavenlytini said...

ok i agree gym scales are a no no they always say more than u really are that way they keep ya coming back!!! i'm in the same boat i've gained about 15lbs since being on IF meds and i haven't even been pregnant, so i have no excuse!!!i'm just a big jiggly ball lol but like my hubby says more cushion for the pushing lol

but since he's in afganny i'm with you and all you ladies trying to lose weight we can do it!!! i wanna lose 50lbs seems like alot but i'm 5'6" and weight 195 hubby says i wear it well lol so lets do it lets shed these pounds just to gain 25lbs back when we get ku lol