Since this is my personal space, and since I talk about the most intimate part of my life here, I guess I can discuss my body statistics too. I'm about 5 ft 4, and on my home weighing scale, I "usually" weigh in at around 130. I'm not skinny, but I'll live with 130. This was my weight in March 2008. Then I got started on IVF#3, and by the end of April, probably gained a couple of lbs, but didn't really care, because I had a chemical pregnancy. We decided to plough on ahead, and we got our schedule for IVF#4.
Now, after IVF#4, and the BFP, and the ectopic, and the whole story, my home scale shows 136. I hate to see that number, but I thought OK never mind, I'll work out and regain my body back. So I started going for walks at first, and last week started going to the gym. The scale does not move ONE bit. I got frustrated and complained to DH that I was upset and feeling fat and unattractive and how my thighs are jiggly and how my stomach is jiggly etc. He said he thinks I've lost weight, and I will continue to lose the rest, and maybe the machine at home is faulty, and that I should weigh myself in the gym. Their machine has to be accurate.
Worst suggestion for my already low morale and self confidence!!!! I went to the gym this morning and got on the scale and it read 144.5!!! I could have cried! I felt like slinking along the walls and leaving the gym! I have NO motivation to lose that much weight!! (Yes, I was wearing clothes and shoes at the gym - but I highly doubt my clothes and shoes weigh 8.5 lbs!)
Here I was worrying over losing 6 lbs, and the gym scale says I need to lose about 14.5????? 8.5 lbs extra to lose over what I need to lose anyway? Oh and the 130 I had reached after the last couple of years of SH*T. The weight noted on my driver's license from 3 years ago is 124. I'm not even TRYING to get there anymore!!!
At this point, right here, right now, I'm more depressed about my weight and my jiggly blubber than I am about my losses and being infertile! I hate it hate it hate it!!!