Saturday, August 2, 2008

The purpose of this pain

Last night I logged on to my usual message board, and I saw a message titled "Nikki, you're an inspiration". It was posted by someone who I have not "met" before, somebody who was lurking on the message boards, and has been reading my blog as well. What she wrote made me cry. Felissa, like me, has suffered 3 losses. Her last 2 have been ectopic pregnancies, of which the last one was in July. She too was given methotrexate, and she too is on the roller coaster of riding out the HcG levels, waiting for them to drop. 

She said she got strength from my words, and seeing me slowly pick up the pieces of my life is inspiring her to move on slowly as well. 

I cried as I read her message, and I posted a message back to her before I went to bed. This morning I woke up feeling very "satisfied". I woke up thinking that all this pain and turmoil I've been in has actually helped someone, and to me, that makes my pain worth having. 

They say everything happens for a reason. I saw no reason why God kept taking my babies away, but today, I feel like it's alright. If, by sharing my heart and my thoughts, I can touch even one life, and help someone with his or her struggle, then it's worth it.

I'm seeing some sense in this. Thank you Felissa. You don't know how you've helped me just with that one message you posted last night. 

My perspective is changing....

2 comments:

Elana Kahn said...

I'm so glad that you are finding some comfort. And if there's anything I can do--even if it's just a shoulder to cry on, please let me know. I had a miscarriage (thank G-d it was only one, but then again it's the only time I've ever been pregnant), and also thank G-d that it was very early, so my hCG levels hadn't gotten above 200 (and therefore came down pretty quickly), but miscarriages suck no matter at what stage and how long it takes. Take heart that you're not the only one and that we are all here for you!

Kymberli said...

"If, by sharing my heart and my thoughts, I can touch even one life, and help someone with his or her struggle, then it's worth it."

So very powerful.